Second Chances
by umami
Summary: MaiHIME, Natsuki & Shizuru, Shoujoai. Just prior to the end of the series.


AN: Natsuki was my favourite character from Mai-HIME...something about the way she flicks her hair and says 'Duran! Load silver cartridge!' totally gets me

P.S. I don't own Mai-HIME, only my own caffine fuelled, sleep deprived thoughts.

P.P.S. incidentally, Second Chances is the title of a Michelle Branch track, of whom I'm a big fan.

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**Second Chances**

Fujino Shizuru sighed. Glancing out the window, she saw the sun rapidly disappearing over the horizon. Another day, just like the one preceding it. Neither good, nor bad, just empty. School had finished a long time ago. Innocent young people, happily going about their lives, as if the HIME star and its terrible legacy had never blasted through Fuuka Gakuen. Everyone pointedly refrained from commenting on the many areas of the school still in varying stages of repair, as if by ignoring the obvious devastation they could pretend the cataclysmic events that had taken place but a month or so ago had never happened.

Not her though. The nightmares came less frequently now, but with no less force. Some nights she still woke screaming, drenched in sweat, images of blood and flame flashing before her tortured conscience. The faces of the people she had killed, the lives she had destroyed. She didn't deserve to forget. There was too much blood on her hands to be forgiven.

She inspected her hands, palms up. Lovely, slender, graceful hands. With these hands she played the cello, performed tea cermony, ran the school council. With these hands she had killed. With these hands she had hurt Natsuki, betrayed her in the truest sense.

Natsuki. It hurt to think about her now. Natsuki had forgiven her so easily, with a gentle touch and smile. But Shizuru couldn't forgive herself. She had sworn to herself, a long time ago, that she would never let her feelings be known to Natsuki. She wouldn't jeopardise what they had for something that would never be reciprocated. But her self resolve had failed her in her hour of need. She had given in to her temptation, and as a result had lost everything.

Nevertheless, she continued in her presidential duties, excelled in her studies, taught tea ceremony to younger students. Her fan-club still doted on her, trailing in her wake and fighting over the right to perform small services for her. She still drove Haruka-san nuts. Outwardly, she was still the same benevolently smiling, ever composed Kaicho-san. But inside, inside she was a mess.

Abruptly she rose from her seat, to restlessly wander the corridors as had become her routine in recent times. They were quiet and deserted now, the echoing of her footsteps punctuating the silence. Lost her own musings , her feet stopped outside the closed door of a classroom that appeared identical to all the others in the corridor. Hesitantly, her fingers brushed the smooth wooden surface. Once upon a time, she used to often stand thus, knowing only this thin panel of wood separated her from Natsuki. When Natsuki bothered to attend that was. She really was the ditching queen, and had only avoided a severe reprimand so far because Shizuru had on multiple occasions distracted Haruka-san at opportune moments from chasing up her glaring non-attendence. Natsuki would probably have been upset if she suspected that Shizuru was protecting her in this way. But even Shizuru's best efforts couldn't save Natsuki from Haruka-san's black book this time. She had been absent from classes for two full weeks. According to her fan-club and source of all current rumour and gossip, Natsuki had either been sent to a psychiatric institution after beating up a lingerie thief, or had eloped with Takeda-senpai. Unfortunately for Takeda-san, he was still here and very much un-eloped.

Without quite knowing why, and never having done so before, Shizuru pulled the door open. She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of Natsuki, her back turned, illuminated by the sun's last rays.

'Shizuru' she said quietly. She didn't turn around.

Shizuru entered the room, closing the door behind her, but not venturing any closer. She stared helplessly at the other girl's back, desire and shame warring within her. She wanted to prostrate herself, weep, apologise and most of all, hold her tight and never let go, all at the same time. Faced with this stalemate, her body compromised by not doing anything at all. The ever elegant Kaicho, for once completely lost for words, unsure of herself.

'Natsuki, I - ', She wanted to say, _I missed you_. But Natsuki wasn't hers to miss. She never had been. So she settled for saying, 'Where have you been?', wincing inwardly as she realised how plaintive she sounded.

The other girl didn't seem to notice, or chose not to. 'The mountains,' she replied softly. 'Long and endless roads, with only my bike for company. I needed time to think. About my mother. About myself. About -' and here she hesitated for a moment, 'us'.

She turned around. Shizuru steeled herself, expecting to see in those wide green eyes hate, anger, even repulsion. But Natsuki only smiled sadly.

'I've made peace with my mother at last. I never thought about what she would have wanted, for me. I think she would have wanted me to be happy, to live in the present rather than the past. All those years, I was driven by hate and anger. I couldn't think of anything except revenge on those people who took my mother and everything I cared about away from me. I never allowed myself to think about friends, or relationships, anything that would distract me from my goal.

'But you, Shizuru, you cared. Even when I was so filled with pain and anguish that I had nothing to give. You were always there for me, supporting me in your own way. But for your friendship, I might have ended up as twisted as poor Nao-san. Even though you never expected me to return your feelings, you were always my true friend. '

Shizuru found her voice. Brokenly, she said, 'Natsuki, I don't deserve to be called your friend. I betrayed your trust, took advantage of you - '

'I don't blame you for anything that happened. All of us were fighting to protect what was important to us. It was just so confusing for me at the time. But I don't regret anything that happened. Because it made me realise how special you are to me. And despite everything, your love meant a great deal to me, Shizuru. '

Her vision was suddenly obscured by tears born of utter relief, mingled with a little disappointment. Natsuki didn't hate her. Natsuki did care about her after all. That was more than enough for her. It _had_ to be enough.

Fingers caressed her cheek, brushing away her tears. Natsuki's touch burned. Shizuru couldn't help but blush. Her simple proximity had such a powerful effect.

Natsuki continued determinedly. 'I realised something, while I was away. You've changed me. There were times when I found myself thinking about you, wondering what you were doing, if you were okay. I never used to think of anyone except my mother.'

She blushed in a most adorable way and looked down. 'I was afraid of this strange feeling growing inside me. How your opinion meant more to me than anyone else's. I tried to fight it by denying it. I knew you cared for me, but I tried to push you away. I thought it a weakness, to care for another. Maybe it is...but I'm not afraid anymore. I want to...try.'

Ethereal green eyes met amber brown and the distance separating them vanished along with everything else. 'I'm sorry, Shizuru. I should have noticed sooner. You were in my heart when Duran returned to me. My most important person was always with me, beside me. I was just a fool to not see it.' Her hands clasped Shizuru's, fingers intertwining. Beseechingly and sincerely she said, 'Shizuru, aishiteru. I want to be with you. Please go out with me?'

When Natsuki looked at her in that way, she was powerless to refuse her anything. No request had ever been easier to grant, but she needed to know that her feelings were truly reciprocated. Head spinning, she said, 'My feelings for you have never changed, Natsuki. You know how I love you. But...is this really what you want?'

For a moment, Natsuki didn't reply. Then slowly, deliberately, she leaned forward and kissed the other girl on the lips. Shizuru was only too happy to respond in kind. Finally, they paused to regain their breaths, hearts pounding. 'This is definitely what I want,' said Natsuki, smiling one of her rare smiles.

Shizuru reflected that it had been a pretty good day after all.

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Owari…for now anyway. Thoughts/comments/random messages appreciated :)


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